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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136319">If I give you an orange will you please stop singing?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chippa/pseuds/Chippa'>Chippa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Callan (TV), Colditz (1972), Raffles (TV 1977)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Christmas Lyrics, Crime&amp;Christmas2020, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:07:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chippa/pseuds/Chippa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One Bah Humbug author, hours of dodgy Christmas songs and too much time to think = this story!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Crime &amp; Christmas 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Santa Baby - Raffles version.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The prompt for day 17 of Crime and Christmas 2020 is Orange...  this does not contain any oranges (or nuts 😃)</p>
<p>Yet more random Christmas song lyrics instead.</p>
<p>If it helps you can imagine me as a carol singer at your door, if you give me an orange I promise NOT to sing.  😁</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Raffles baby, just slip a sable under the tree<br/>
For me<br/>
Been an awful good girl<br/>
Raffles baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Raffles baby, a 54 convertible too<br/>
Light blue<br/>
I'll wait up for you dear<br/>
Raffles baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Think of all the fun I've missed<br/>
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed<br/>
Next year I could be just as good<br/>
If you'll check off my Christmas list</p>
<p>Raffles baby, I wanna yacht<br/>
And really that's not a lot<br/>
Been an angel all year<br/>
Raffles baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Raffles honey, one little thing I really need<br/>
The deed<br/>
To a platinum mine<br/>
Raffles baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Raffles cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex<br/>
And cheques<br/>
Sign your 'X' on the line<br/>
Raffles cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Come and trim my Christmas tree<br/>
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's<br/>
I really do believe in you<br/>
Let's see if you believe in me</p>
<p>Raffles baby, forgot to mention one little thing<br/>
A ring<br/>
I don't mean on the phone<br/>
Raffles baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>
Hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>
Hurry, tonight</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Colditz Style.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Be good or the Herr Major will put you in solitary over Christmas.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You better watch out<br/>
You better not cry<br/>
You better not pout<br/>
I'm telling you why, Major Mohn is coming to Colditz</p>
<p>He's making a list<br/>
He's checking it twice<br/>
He's going to find out<br/>
Who's naughty and nice, Major Mohn is coming to Colditz</p>
<p>He sees you when you're sleeping<br/>
He knows when you're awake<br/>
He knows when you've been bad or good<br/>
So be good and don’t escape</p>
<p>You better watch out<br/>
You better not cry<br/>
You better not pout<br/>
I'm telling you why, Major Mohn is coming to Colditz</p>
<p>He sees you when you're sleeping<br/>
He knows when you're awake<br/>
He knows when you've been bad or good<br/>
So be good and don’t escape</p>
<p>You better watch out<br/>
You better not cry<br/>
You better not pout<br/>
I'm telling you why, Major Mohn is coming to Colditz</p>
<p>Major Mohn is coming to Colditz<br/>
Major Mohn is coming to Colditz<br/>
Major Mohn is coming to Colditz</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Santa Baby  - The Callan Years.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Somehow I can just picture Meres singing this.  🤣😋🤣</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Callan baby, just slip a sable under the tree<br/>For me<br/>Been an awful good boy<br/>Callan baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Callan baby, a 54 convertible too<br/>Light blue<br/>I'll wait up for you dear<br/>Callan baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Think of all the fun I've missed<br/>Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed<br/>Next year I could be just as good<br/>If you'll check off my Christmas list</p>
<p>Callan baby, I wanna yacht<br/>And really that's not a lot<br/>Been an angel all year<br/>Callan baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Callan honey, one little thing I really need<br/>The deed<br/>To a platinum mine<br/>Callan baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Callan cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex<br/>And cheques<br/>Sign your 'X' on the line<br/>Callan cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Come and trim my Christmas tree<br/>With some decorations bought at Tiffany's<br/>I really do believe in you<br/>Let's see if you believe in me</p>
<p>Callan baby, forgot to mention one little thing<br/>A ring<br/>I don't mean on the phone<br/>Callan baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>Hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>Hurry, tonight</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus the Victorian Burglar Husbands club remix.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Spoiler Alert - Mackenzie is cool with it.  😄😄  (and possibly just the tiniest little bit jealous too)!  😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I saw Bunny kissing A.J. Raffles<br/>Underneath the mistletoe last night<br/>He didn't see me creep<br/>Down the stairs to have a peep<br/>He thought that I was tucked up<br/>In my bedroom fast asleep</p>
<p>Then, I saw Bunny tickle A.J. Raffles<br/>Underneath his beard so snowy white<br/>Oh, what a laugh it would have been<br/>If Mackenzie had only seen<br/>Bunny kissing A.J. Raffles last night</p>
<p>I saw Bunny kissing A.J. Raffles<br/>Underneath the mistletoe last night<br/>He didn't see me creep<br/>Down the stairs to have a peep<br/>He thought that I was tucked up<br/>In my bedroom fast asleep</p>
<p>I saw Bunny tickle A.J. Raffles<br/>Underneath his beard so snowy white<br/>Oh, what a laugh it would have been<br/>If Mackenzie had only seen<br/>Bunny kissing A.J. Raffles last night</p>
<p>(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Santa Baby - the Tony Valentine version</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't leave dear old Tony out from all the fun.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony baby, just slip a sable under the tree<br/>For me<br/>Been an awful good girl<br/>Tony baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Tony baby, a 54 convertible too<br/>Light blue<br/>I'll wait up for you dear<br/>Tony baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Think of all the fun I've missed<br/>Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed<br/>Next year I could be just as good<br/>If you'll check off my Christmas list</p>
<p>Tony baby, I wanna yacht<br/>And really that's not a lot<br/>Been an angel all year<br/>Tony baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Tony honey, one little thing I really need<br/>The deed<br/>To a platinum mine<br/>Tony baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Tony cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex<br/>And cheques<br/>Sign your 'X' on the line<br/>Tony cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight</p>
<p>Come and trim my Christmas tree<br/>With some decorations bought at Tiffany's<br/>I really do believe in you<br/>Let's see if you believe in me</p>
<p>Tony baby, forgot to mention one little thing<br/>A ring<br/>I don't mean on the phone<br/>Tony baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>Hurry down the chimney tonight<br/>Hurry, tonight</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Christmas Song for the various fandoms everywhere.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Merry Christmas to all you crazy people in whatever fandoms you're in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This started off as The Christmas Song - the retail version and then morphed into something else.</p><p>Have a very happy Christmas regardless.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Customers roasting on an open fire<br/>
Managers moaning about your figures<br/>
Alternate lyric carols being sung by a choir<br/>
And the queue just keeps getting bigger</p><p>Everybody knows a Bunny and some mistletoe<br/>
Help to make A.J.’s season bright<br/>
Tony fans with their eyes all aglow<br/>
Will find it hard to sleep tonight<br/>
They know that Santa's on his way<br/>
He's loaded lots of dvds and fanfics on his sleigh<br/>
And every mother's child is gonna spy<br/>
To see if time machines really know how to fly</p><p>And so I'm offering this simple phrase<br/>
To fans from one to ninety-two<br/>
Although it's been said many times, many ways<br/>
Merry Christmas to you<br/>
And so I'm offering this simple phrase<br/>
To fans from one to ninety-two<br/>
Although it's been said many times, many ways<br/>
Merry Christmas to you</p>
  </div></div>
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